Il n\u2019y a pas que les Guaranis pour \u00eatre exotiques et casse-couilles. Il n\u2019y a pas que le Guaranistan pour faire des reportages in vivo sur le choc des cultures et la solitude de l\u2019observateur participatif. <\/p>\n
– Pour ouvrir un num\u00e9ro de t\u00e9l\u00e9phone ruritanien et l\u2019internet, il faut fournir un num\u00e9ro de t\u00e9l\u00e9phone ruritanien et un num\u00e9ro de compte en banque ruritanien. Esp\u00e9rons qu\u2019il ne faut pas un num\u00e9ro de t\u00e9l\u00e9phone pour ouvrir un compte en banque sinon je suis vraiment devenu un demandeur d\u2019asile \u00e0 Roissy \/ un prisonnier de la Maison qui rend fou. <\/p>\n
– Mon cadre de lit ne passait pas par la fen\u00eatre, j\u2019en ai donc rachet\u00e9 deux demi-, de taille standard. C\u2019est-\u00e0-dire, je ne l\u2019ai r\u00e9alis\u00e9 que juste apr\u00e8s, 10 cm plus grands (2 m contre 1m90) qu\u2019en France. <\/p>\n
– Les horaires sont destin\u00e9s \u00e0 me rendre fou je le sais. Par exemple, le grand magasin pour les cadres \u00e9tait ouvert le dimanche et j\u2019aurais donc d\u00fb revenir annuler l\u2019achat le dimanche. En revanche, les banques ouvrent \u00e0 9h et ferment \u00e0 16h et il me faut donc jouer contre la montre pour ouvrir un compte. Le caf\u00e9 internet ferme \u00e0 17h30. La vie de quartier ferme \u00e0 18h. <\/p>\n
– Pourquoi avoir aussi peu de distri-fric quand on est aussi riches?<\/p>\n
– Je n\u2019ai pu communiquer avec personne (sauf alimentation hors foyer et cours de ruritanien) depuis vendredi. Je compte sur SophCo pour pr\u00e9venir ma famille que je suis vivant ; on me croit donc mort, le plan VigiRuri a \u00e9t\u00e9 d\u00e9clench\u00e9, etc. Impossible de capter RFI. Impossible d\u2019appeler Comit\u00e9Central pour le bl\u00e2mer de tous ces incroyables soucis. Impossible \u00e9galement de trouver un Ruritanien \u00e0 traiter de vive voix de \u201cprickish red-tape-loving useless bum\u201d (note pour plus tard : demander \u00e0 ma prof de ruritanien une traduction), ils sont trop grands et placides pour que \u00e7a soit safe comme geste.<\/p>\n
– Je m\u2019enfonce lentement dans la folie avec des acc\u00e8s de d\u00e9pression, compens\u00e9s pour l\u2019instant par la boulimie et la clinophilie. Tant que je ne mange pas de la mayonnaise *\u00e0 m\u00eame* mon lit, j\u2019estime que \u00e7a va. <\/p>\n
– La derni\u00e8re relation sexuelle dans un sauna ruritanien a eu lieu en 1988. Elle impliquait un Br\u00e9silien et Gilles. Sinon, il s\u2019y passe des trucs calvinistes bizarres (non-matage, non-drague, non-baise, d\u00e9placements en couple mari\u00e9), m\u00e9lang\u00e9s avec des r\u00e9pliques de Falcon d\u00e9raill\u00e9es (\u201cOmygod, I can\u2019t do it, it\u2019s too hot\u201d). D\u2019apr\u00e8s le caissier, le meilleur moment c\u2019est les dimanches d\u2019hiver ; pourtant dimanche dernier, rien n\u2019est arriv\u00e9 \u00e0 *personne*. <\/p>\n
Sinon, Xavier Pri\u00e8re-de-parler-de-moi me parle par e-mail. C\u2019est le (seul) fan de Radio Freedonia et des plans cam (comme dans les ann\u00e9es 90).
\n\/\/
\nGuaranis are not the only ones to be exotic and boring. Guaranistan is not the only place to report live about culture clash and the loneliness of participative observers. <\/p>\n
– To open a Ruritanian phone number and have the internet, you need providing a Ruritanian phone number and Ruritanian bank account references. Let\u2019s hope they don\u2019t want a phone number for me to get a bank account or else I\u2019ve really become an asylum seeker \/ an inmate of the House That Drives You Mad. <\/p>\n
– My bed frame didn\u2019t go through the window so I bought two half ones, in a standards size. Ie, but that I reckoned just short afterwards, 10 cm taller (2 m vs. 1.90 m) than in France. <\/p>\n
– The opening hours are just to make me mad now I know that for sure. EG the department store for the bed frames was Sunday open, and I should therefore have cancelled my purchase on Sunday. On the other hand, banks are open from 9 am to 4 pm and I shall therefore play against time to open a bank account. The Internet caf\u00e9 closes at 5:30 pm. The neighbourhood life closes at 6 pm.<\/p>\n
– Why so few ATMs for so filthy rich people?<\/p>\n
– I wasn\u2019t able to communicate with anyone (except for not homemade meals purposes and Ruritanian lessons) since Friday. I rely on SophCo to tell my family I\u2019m alive \u2013 I\u2019m therefore held to be dead, the Emergency Ruritania Plan has been launched, etc. Impossible to find RFI on shortwaves. Impossible to call Comit\u00e9Central to blame him with all these incredible worries. Also impossible to find a Ruritanian to call him out loud a \u201cprickish red-tape-loving useless bum\u201d (To Do Later : ask my Ruritanian professor a translation), they\u2019re too tall and quiet for that to be a safe move. <\/p>\n
– The last intercourse in a Ruritanian sauna happened in 1988. it involved a Brazilian guy and Gilles. Otherwise, weird Calvinist stuff happens in here (non-glare, non-cruise, non-fuck, marrieds couples\u2019 tours), mixed with derailed Falcon quotes (\u201cOmygod, I can\u2019t do it, it\u2019s too hot\u201d). According to the cashier, the best time in year is winter Sundays ; I went there last Sunday and nada happened, though. <\/p>\n
– I drift slowly into madness with fits of depression, balanced as for now by eating and sleeping compulsions. As long as I don\u2019t eat mayo *from* the bed, I take it to be OK. <\/p>\n
Otherwise, Xavier Please-Speak-Of-Me talks through e-mails. He is the (only) fan of Freedonia Radio and webcam trips (just like in the 90s). <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Il n\u2019y a pas que les Guaranis pour \u00eatre exotiques et casse-couilles. Il n\u2019y a pas que le Guaranistan pour faire des reportages in vivo sur le choc des cultures et la solitude de l\u2019observateur participatif. – Pour ouvrir un num\u00e9ro de t\u00e9l\u00e9phone ruritanien et l\u2019internet, il faut fournir un num\u00e9ro de t\u00e9l\u00e9phone ruritanien et […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1364","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-b2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freedonia.fr\/blogWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1364","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freedonia.fr\/blogWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freedonia.fr\/blogWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freedonia.fr\/blogWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freedonia.fr\/blogWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1364"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.freedonia.fr\/blogWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1364\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freedonia.fr\/blogWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1364"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freedonia.fr\/blogWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1364"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freedonia.fr\/blogWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1364"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}