Si je faisais une psychanalyse, le premier truc dont j’aimerais parler avec le type (apr\u00e8s mes troubles compulsifs alimentaires comme le fait de toujours l\u00e9cher mes doigts quand je fais la cuisine) serait s\u00fbrement ma peur qu’on me pr\u00e9f\u00e8re quelqu’un d’autre (en amiti\u00e9) et son double mental, ma peur de l’abandon (en amour, qui m’am\u00e8ne par ricochet \u00e0 faire \u00e9chouer les relations par anticipation). Peut-\u00eatre que \u00e7a ferait beaucoup pour une seule s\u00e9ance alors je reviendrais, le type serait content pour sa petite affaire. <\/p>\n
Je me rappelle avoir visit\u00e9 Lubeck, \u00e0 l’\u00e2ge de 12 ans, avec deux amis qui avaient jou\u00e9 toute la gamme de ma peur, en me moquant, en me laissant les suivre, et puis plus. J’ai s\u00fbrement eu ce sentiment (d’ailleurs un temps \u00e9rotis\u00e9 avec CriBou) pour lui et ChelseaBoy, \u00e0 l’\u00e9poque o\u00f9 je sortais avec l’un, puis l’autre, r\u00e9guli\u00e8rement au Queen. 00h45 Like A Prayer, 00h50 You’re My Heart You’re My Soul, 00h53 Fotonovella 1h00 Blame It On The Boogie (SAW re-edit): la musique, et les larmoiements immatures de Whitney Houston, d\u00e9goulinaient de cette crainte de se faire larguer pour un autre, parce que c’\u00e9tait les ann\u00e9es 90 et que c’\u00e9tait le r\u00e8gne de la coh\u00e9rence. <\/p>\n
Ma jalousie amicale est sans doute encore assez active vis-\u00e0-vis de Comit\u00e9Central. Je me demande comment je vais faire \u00e0 distance, probablement l’appeler tous les soirs pour \u00eatre s\u00fbr ou lui demander de me faxer ses emplois du temps. <\/p>\n
Quand j’avais 15 ans, j’ai perdu de vue d’un seul coup la totalit\u00e9 de mes amis, juste parce que j’avais chang\u00e9 de lyc\u00e9e. J’en ai recrois\u00e9 quelques-uns, mais ni eux ni moi n’avons maintenu le contact. Le m\u00eame truc est survenu \u00e0 nouveau \u00e0 18 ans, mais c’\u00e9tait mieux parce que j’ai (g\u00e9n\u00e9ralement) d\u00e9test\u00e9 la bande de petits bizuteurs, fachos et\/ou fin-de-race de Stan. Les quelques amis que je me suis fait depuis, je les revois m\u00eame si les \u00e9poques pr\u00e9c\u00e9dentes m’ont appris le caract\u00e8re pr\u00e9caire (dans le temps et dans ses conditions d’existence) de toute amiti\u00e9. <\/p>\n
Tout \u00e0 l’heure je relisais des vieux commentaires sur Freedonia, \u00e0 l’\u00e9poque o\u00f9 c’\u00e9tait dr\u00f4le \u00e0 lire et ou tout le monde \u00e9crivait, pas juste PrinceParano torch\u00e9 \u00e0 la limonada sur des plages innomm\u00e9es. La fin des haricots de ce pseudo-\u00c2ge d’Or (de dedans ma t\u00eate) co\u00efncide avec la premi\u00e8re Mort aux Jeunes, l’immixtion de Speedo, et l’ouverture de Gay-Attitude (depuis supplant\u00e9, il est vrai, par MySpace). <\/p>\n
Mon p\u00e8re m’a racont\u00e9 une merveilleuse anecdote de sa jeunesse: il s’\u00e9tait retrouv\u00e9 avec trois autres amis \u00e0 New York, \u00e0 un rendez-vous pris des mois auparavant. A l’heure dite, l’un puis l’autre \u00e9t\u00e9 apparus, au coin de la rue, comme une abolition du temps par la fid\u00e9lit\u00e9 en amiti\u00e9. <\/p>\n
Comit\u00e9 a sa musique, AC&P ses \u00e9crits, Ivan a ses exc\u00e8s, WGP sa maison de couture faubourg Saint-Honor\u00e9 (\u00e0 confirmer), Fran\u00e7ois B2 a son humour (il est tellement dr\u00f4le). Mais je ne peux \u00abavoir\u00bb mes f\u00eates et mes amis, parce que ce n’est pas quelque chose qu’on d\u00e9tient mais qu’on fait, un jour apr\u00e8s l’autre. <\/p>\n
\u00abJe commencerai par o\u00f9?
\nLa fin ou le d\u00e9but?
\nLa fin.<\/p>\n
Bien s\u00fbr qu’il y aura une fin,
\nd’ailleurs celle-ci m’obs\u00e8de,
\nm’observe et me rend folle.
\nEst-ce que tu le per\u00e7ois?\u00bb<\/i><\/p>\n
Bien s\u00fbr que ce ne sera d\u00e9j\u00e0 plus pareil, d’ici \u00e0 mon retour (\u00e0 date incertaine). On aura plus de trente ans, et des pecs pour compenser. Des tas de soir\u00e9es auront eu lieu sans moi, de nouveaux gens (la bande des bibis?) seront arriv\u00e9s, d’autres partis (BoxingSlut en Am\u00e9rique latine pour commencer), Machin aura enfin r\u00e9ussi \u00e0 coucher avec Truc, la musique qu’il faudra \u00e9couter aura d\u00e9j\u00e0 chang\u00e9 avant que j’aie retenu le nom de celle que j’\u00e9coute maintenant (\u00e9lectroclash?), la coupe de cheveux de Matthieu sera pass\u00e9e par plusieurs phases. J’aurai pris 10 kilos \u00e0 cause du gouda, du geni\u00e8vre, du hareng et de la d\u00e9pression (sous r\u00e9serve). <\/p>\n
Peut-\u00eatre n’est-ce pas ce que j’aurais pr\u00e9f\u00e9r\u00e9.
\n\/\/
\nIf I went through a psycho-analysis, the first thing I’d like to talk about with the shrink (after my food compulsive-disorder, like the fact I lick my finger went I do the cooking, though) would certainly be my fear that someone else is prefered to me (in friendship) and its mental twin, my fear to be abandoned (in love, that have me conversely make the relationships fail beforehand). Maybe that would be much for a single appointment, so I would have to come, the shrink would be happy for his small business. <\/p>\n
I remember visiting Lubeck when I was 12 with two friends. They played the full gammut of my fear, making fun of me, having me follow them, and then no more. I certainly have had this feeling (otherwise partly eroticized with CriBou) with him and ChelseaBoy, at the time when I went out with one and then the other at the Queen. 00:45 “Like A Prayer”, 00:50 “You’re My Heart You’re My Soul”, 00:53 “Fotonovella” 1:00 “Blame It On The Boogie” (SAW re-edit): the music and the childish yellings of Whitney Houston were dripping with this fear to be dumped for someone else, because it was the 90’s and coherence ruled. <\/p>\n
My friendly jealousy is probablys still quite busy for ComitéCentral. I wonder how I will do from afar, probably call him every evening or have him fax his daily schedule. <\/p>\n
When I was 15, I lost sight of all my friends at once, just because I wasn’t in the same high school anymore. I re-met some of them, but neither them nor I did keep in touch. The same thing happened again when I turned 18, but it was better because I had (mostly) hated the gang of small-scale fascistic and\/or decadent bullies from Stan High. The few friends I’ve made since, do I see again even though the previous eras have learnt me the precarious nature (in duration and in conditions of existence) of any friendship. <\/p>\n
A few moments ago I was re-reading old comments on Freedonia, at the time it was funny to read and everybody was writing there, not just drunk PrinceParano from nondescript beachsides. The end of this mock Golden Age (or so I think) coincide with the first Mort aux Jeunes party, with the intrusion of Speedo, and with the opening of the GayAttitude website (since replaced, true, by MySpace). <\/p>\n
My father told me a wonderful anecdote of his youth: he had met with three other friends in NYC, it was a rendez-vous taken months before. At the said time, one and then the other appeared, at the street corner, like abolishing time through faithfulness in friendship. <\/p>\n
Comité has got his music, AC&P his writings, Ivan his excesses, WGP his maison de couture on Faubourg-Saint-Honoré street (tbc), François B2 has got his humor (he’s so fun!). Yet I can’t “have” my parties and my friends, because it’s not something you’ve got, it’s something you do one day after another. <\/p>\n
\u00ab\u00a0Where should I start?
\nEnd or beginning?
\nEnd. <\/p>\n
Of course there’ll be an end,
\nbeside, I’m obsessed,
\nobserved, and made crazy by it.
\nDo you get it?\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n
Of course it won’t be the same already, from here til when I come back (at an uncertain time). We will be over 30. We will have pecs to compensate. Many parties will have happened without me, new people (the sweeties’ gang?) will have blend in, other will be gone (BoxingSlut in South America, for one), Thing will have finally slept with Schmuck, the music to be listened will have changed even before I know the name of what I currently listen to (electroclash?), Matthieu’s hairdo will have gone through several phases. I’ll be 10 kg fatter, from gouda, gin, herring, and depression (tbc). <\/p>\n
It might not be what I would have prefered. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Si je faisais une psychanalyse, le premier truc dont j’aimerais parler avec le type (apr\u00e8s mes troubles compulsifs alimentaires comme le fait de toujours l\u00e9cher mes doigts quand je fais la cuisine) serait s\u00fbrement ma peur qu’on me pr\u00e9f\u00e8re quelqu’un d’autre (en amiti\u00e9) et son double mental, ma peur de l’abandon (en amour, qui m’am\u00e8ne […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1362","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-b2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freedonia.fr\/blogWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1362","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freedonia.fr\/blogWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freedonia.fr\/blogWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freedonia.fr\/blogWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freedonia.fr\/blogWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1362"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.freedonia.fr\/blogWP\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1362\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freedonia.fr\/blogWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1362"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freedonia.fr\/blogWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1362"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freedonia.fr\/blogWP\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1362"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}